A REALLY SHORT SAD STORY

It is a long moment of silence. Everything seems to just stand still, nothing moved. Right now, there is only you and me. Those words still running in my head, like a bullet shot pain, it raced down to my heart. I could breathe properly. Shock, too shock. Is this it? The end of everything? I simply can’t believe those words, you sound so cold and firm. It seems that the whole world deserted me, along with you. I am left here cold and alone. Where is the love? Where is the hope? Where is the past joy and laughter? Where is your heart? At least I know it is no longer with me.

No matter how hard you fight it, sometimes, things would not work out the way you wish it did. Tears of regret flows like a river. It is not that I am not prepared. I am just too taken aback by the shock. That must be the reason.

BORING WEEK

It has been boring, rather slow and lazy week. Not much work to be done. Nothing pending on hand that needs immediate attention to, and best of all. No freaking PROJECT. It's all me, staying in my humble seat, facing my office PC. I basically can't find anything else to do Actually there are stuff, but honestly, I jus cant be bothered.

2 mintues plus 5pm... I am all set to rush home... MAPLE time!~ wohahaha....

Need a holiday, away from this boring life. Just wanna take a break before all hell break loose...

What kind of kid am I?

Your Inner Child Is Angry

You're not an angry person.But when you don't get your way, watch out.Like a very manipulative kid, you will get what you want.Even if it takes a little kicking and screaming.

What kind of Ben and Jerry Ice-cream am I?

You Are Karamel Sutra

Plain on the outside, but once someone gets in, they're stuck

What kind of Superhero am I?

You Are Spider-Man

Quick and agile, you have killer instincts (literally).And that kind of makes up for the whole creepy spider thing.

LOOKS

Today’s topic is about looks. What is good looking? Beautiful? Pretty? Handsome? Cute or sweet? I shall classify them all as beauty. I think there are 2 types of beauty. The first type is those whom everyone agrees that he/she is a good-looker. Someone who has that special feature on their faces to be outstanding, in a positive way, of course. The other type is without a guideline, a fixed definition, more of “beauty lies in the eyes of its beholder”. One person may think that this lady is drop dead stunning, but to another person, she maybe too much for him to take it.

So when a person tells me that, “hey, I met my wife at blah blah blah… well, it’s love at first sight. I knew it gonna be her.” At the back of my mind I will like, “Ya right, more like lust at first sight.” Humans are complicated creatures. We can react to things by either emotionally or logically. In the above case study, I believe that he reacted emotionally.

When a guy sees a beautiful lady, what is the first thing in his mind? I seriously don’t know. The most politically correct answer is: get to know her. But I say, the truth is deeper than its surface. So, that brings me to a question. Is good look a blessing or a curse? What people see is whatever on the outside, what about the inner self beauty? Gone. Just take a good look at our famous Paris Hilton. No doubt she is blessed with good looks and nevertheless, rich (yes, I do mean filthy rich) parents. But it does not seem help much to build what’s inside. She is simply a blond bimbotic celebrity-wannabe. She might score high on the outside, but whatever beneath those foundation, mascara and perfume, it’s empty and hollow. But hey, still, everyone can’t deny that she does have looks (very personal point of view) and guys flock to her (maybe more interested in the $$). So whether good look is a blessing or a curse, it all depends on your fate and how you handle situations.

SAMUEL IS RANDOM

If you just realise that, gosh, where have you been?? Yeah, I do admit that I am rather random at times, popping words of wisdom without rhyme or reason. Or you can see me smiling to myself out of the blue, no worries; I am just experiencing some silly mind game.

Have been cranky for the past few hours… If this continues, I am so damn sure I gonna fail Project Management… Shit! Can some kind soul just go for this paper on my behalf??

RASCAL THE DOG

Believe it or not, I bought a dog. Yup, it lasted for like 2 days. It is a JRT. Gosh, I am telling you. How glad I am yet, part of me, miss him a lot. A pretty smart dog. He is toilet-trained too! Just 2 and a half months old only. Haiz, I will remember him. Seriously, I hope that the new owner will take good care of him.

TIME MANAGEMENT

24 hours a day is not enough. With the whole list of tasks and things I want to do, I barely have enough time to sleep. It is quite amusing to picture myself teleporting for here to there and stuff. Think of a place and “poof” there I go, gone in a second. Can you imagine how much time can I save??

I have been skipping gym sessions for the past 2 months. That is not healthy! Therefore I promise myself I will pop by tomorrow. Come what may…

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO

Finally handed in my web programming project, one less burden off my mind. Last 2 weeks was madness. I was actually rushing work, preparing for a corporate event and solving my assignment system setup errors. All my 2 weekends were burnt. But at least most of the stuffs are over and effort did pay off. But as the much as I dislike all the projects, reports, assignments and examination, I found it rather amusing to see myself fighting those mental obstruction to sit down and getting things done. Ok, maybe most of the time I bitch about things and stuff, but I did what I have to do and make things happen too.

I haven’t been hitting the gym for quite awhile. Busy was the excuse. I didn’t exactly put on weight but I jus have this sense of guilt that is lingering over me whenever I eat something real sinful, I should go down and workout soon enough.

So boring stuff, I have some colleagues who are really unhappy and have every intention to make the exit, part of me want them to stay but still, at the end of the day, I think that is somehow a wise option. Time maybe a good healer, but definitely a bad beautician. Go and explore the world while you are young. Age will soon catch up with you and so will responsibilities. Conclusion: When is the best time to leave? You will know when the time comes. =p

FUCK UP PROJECT

I am stressed. I am exhausted. I am feeling lonely. I am... still here. Time does not stop just because I can't cope with life. Nor will it give a damn but I will try...

Why can't I be myself. Why must I live up to other's expectation? Or is my own expectation that is killing me silently but steadily? I don't know nor I give a damn anymore.

Weird, you keep telling me you can't and would date me... But why do I feel that you do want to? Is it me been over suspicious? But why on earth are you talking about dating me and you will not date me for blah blah blah reason?? You admit that you are running away, I can tell. Once again, you confused me and I, am confuse. But it's ok, not like it is the very first time I got confused by people like you.

--Samuel wants a break. He needs more than a kit kat! Next stop, Bangkok again! (holiday tbc)--

I want to watch QAF!!!! Damn, it's hard to wait. I wanna have some free time and just laze around, have the whole house to myself and hug my pillow/or my doggie, watching QAF. I want I want I want!!! Some kind soul jus burn me the whole 5 seasons and I will be over the moon.

WEEKEND IS HERE AND GONE

Today is another beautiful day, but I choose to stay at home for 2 main reasons: Stepping out of the house is too taxing to my body and is draining my cash flow. I have overspent like a lot this month. Which mean, I need to cut down. Really cut down. But I still wanna buy N95! LOLx... Life is hard. Coming back, went to meet up with Mel and gang last night. We went to PLAY. Very cool place. So crowded that I almost have no space to stand, no FRESH air to breath but no doubt it is enjoyable. Clubbed till like 3 plus and went for a drink at Maxwell Market. Waking up late, did nothing much the whole day gosh, I figured out the fact that there goes 1 more weekend... 2 Project Assignments to hand in. I am in for trouble.

REINCARNATION

There is a tribe in North America, Arctic who believes that all things on earth has a soul that exists in a miniature form of the body that holds it. So, a deer has a tiny deer inside it and a man has a little man inside him. When the large being dies, that tiny form lives on.

It can slide into something being born nearby or it can go to a temporary resting place, like the sky, in the belly of a great feminine spirit, where it waits until the moon can send it back to earth.

Sometimes, they say, the moon is so busy with the new souls of the world, they disappears from the sky. That is why we have moonless nights. But in the end, the moon always returns, as do we all. At least, that is what they believe.

Maybe that is their version of reincarnation. What do you want to be in your next life? If you have a choice, what will you be? If I have a choice what will I be?

Finally 23, but I still feel 18. Maybe I have not grown up much. But I truly know that it’s about time to move on to the next stage. It’s time to grow up, at least a little bit more and a long way to go.

PAY RAISE? NOT!

While the whole nation is debating over the recently announced news about the pay raise, I am keeping my finger crossed. Not very hopefully about it, honestly speaking. As much as I am hoping that HR dept will adjust my miserable salary, there is still no sight of a brighter sky. Here I am, stuck and bashed. But all in all, I think there is no point of making a too big of a hoo-haa over this as there is almost nothing we can do nor will there be a productive outcome over this. It's set as it ought to be. No need for more questions to be asked.

Life goes on as per normal each and every single day, but my vision and motivation became blur. I am reaching office later by the days from 8.20am to 8.30am then to 8.50am and now, hopefully before 9am. This is this much I can take. Just back from Taiwan and now I am looking forward to a good weekend gateway to somewhere nearby, preharps Malaysia or to Bangkok, Thailand.

Is it true that we human beings, are never contented with what we have? Always looking at else where, greed-minded humans with distorted mentality. We are forever seeking and yet, most of the time, nothing was found.

What people wanted most sometime is simplicity, but reality complicates life.

AND I WONDER

Reaching 19th Apr 2007, adding one more candle onto the birthday cake. That indirectly imply that I need to grow more mature, mentally and better control of myself. No more losing the grip. Just barely a couple more days to go... But why do I feel so uneasy about the fact I am growing older? Is it the fact that I will be one year closer to my grave or due to the fact that I have yet done something that I really do want to.

Back from Taiwan for close to a month but yet, still miss the place a lot. Maybe what I need most is a break, a long break from reality and all. Why am I feeling that I will break down at times like this? Hey Samuel, hold on. Things will eventually turn out fine. Just need to be more patient and have faith in yourself.... And I wonder, how long more do I have to hold on to this faith?

2007

2007 le, was kinda busy with work, school project and stuff, so much so that I barely have time for myself. That of course means that I dont have the time to blog. Haiz... A new year has started once again, new year, new life chapter and new goal to set.

I wish to be a little richer, cant stand myself being penniless. I need to pay bills, set up my .com and survive on myself, and have to squeeze out some money for my housing allowances. I have to work, go school, do projects/assignments and discuss on the new sites etc. 24 hours is not enough; my pay is not enough too. Tell me, teach me, enlighten me… How much can I take before I break down?

---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---
As much as I am willingly to wait for you to appear, do you wish to come back home? As long as you are willing to, I will be here waiting. Time waits for no man and tide will come and go, I will still be here waiting, for you to come back once again. I let you go once, I let you go twice, so don’t hurt me like tat, making me feel so vulnerable. You bashed my ego, the wound run deep, for you have done sure an impact, no one else I realize, did I devote so much of myself again.
---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---

最近 - 李圣杰

你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

DEC 15 2006 - I BLOG. DO U?

Wee!~ Got my 2 months pay (mind you this is the 1st time I'm taking that amount pay but still not enough) and bonus (peanuts la.. not that much. Got bonus good liao lor)..... Anyway, have to repay my 'debt' and getting a laptop so kinda going back to square 1 soon i guess. But I realise that eversince after i start to work, I have cut down my cab intake by a lot. That much so that, I feel a tiny little bit different, the used to be familiar smell and easiness is no longer there. Maybe realli kinda too long never take cab le. Woahahha... My 2nd month working and Christmas is jus next week, lots of shopping needs to be done and yet I have project that I need to hand in soon, and I do mean SOON! Haiz... For my better future, I hope it's all worthworth and I can bear it thru.

Gonna watch movie later with liyi , dini and of coz, her husband-to-be. Yeah!!! I going to attend my friend's wedding on 29th Dec 2006. And I am gonna buy something nice to wear on that day.. That is IF I feel rich enough to do so. Haha...

The year is coming to an end soon enough and finally I am no longer a boy who leech on someone. I am earning my own salary, securing a job and persuing my degree. Life is not as easy as how it used to be, I rarely have enough sleep some nights, mainly due to either work, coming back late or simply there is so much to do... Kinda lifeless le, not enough time to even do anything... But I gonna bear thru this. 2008, that is the year I will move out of this loop and climb upward.

Till then, I will be strong... I really hope I can make it thru.

LATELY

Being thinking a lot about us recently, and I clearly know that you are happy with him now. I let you go, I know. Therefore, I kept my words and remain silence. You might get to read about this, you may not…

I miss the time we spent together in Thailand and KL. I miss those days after we came back from Bangkok. Each and every little thing we did together back then can only remain as part of my memories with you...

Cried and hugged you because both you and I did something terribly wrong once. Yet, it brought us closer, much closer then before. We took leave and spent time together in KL, just you and me. You have to go over to Thailand for 2 weeks due to work commitment, and I have to coax you to go back home to prepare you stuff and wait for your sister to send you to airport. Those 2 weeks was busy and did try to find the time to call you back. You cried because I did not manage to call you as often as Daniel. That is touching. Never did I realize that you missed me that much till then. Went to fetch you when you landed on 11 Sept 05 2 plus am. I hid, and therefore you could not find me. Daniel told you that I didn’t come and you look awfully disappointed. I then walked behind you, a distance away, and you finally see me. The way you look into my eyes back then, I felt love. That pair of almost tearing eyes, I could fee how much you loved me. Yes I know you did. Only till now, a year plus later, I finally realized.

我會懷念妳的微笑, 因為喜歡你是沒有道理的. 原来我還是比想像中愛妳

12 DEC IS THE MOMENT OF WEALTH

Just 5 more days to go… I will be experiencing the moment of wealth… Getting my 1st official pay!~ No more allowances or part time ‘pea-like’ pay… This is my 1st full time job pay!~ Wee!!

There is so much I will like to get but I am keeping my fingers crossed. Now, I have burden to carry and should not be spending like water is free… hmmm… NAH!~ Heck care…. I want to get a new big leather watch… went down to guess and took a look a few days ago, but nothing look interesting, wohaha… then of course, I am eyeing this bag for like a century… still thinking if I should get it a not.. not forgetting the new limited edition CK One for men… And yes yes, I am getting maxonline wat to do… they give a free laptop wor.. Sorry la Singnet, you gonna lost 2 more customers (Liyi and me) real soon… Can you feel it? The joy of spending, trust me… nothing beats it so hell yes I am gonna enjoy the fruit I sow and I will not look back as I believe a beautiful and rosy path is awaiting for me… that is where I m heading to.

But till 12 Dec, I lead a poor brat life…

SILLY SAM HAS BEEN...

Silly Sam has been tiring busy with work. Silly Sam has been encountering loneliness after been single for quite a long while. Silly Sam has been missing all the late night parties on sunday nite and the good long rest in slumberland. Silly Sam has been working hard on his outlook, trying to look better and more confident. Remember... Nothing can bring him down. Don't start with him, coz u will never win.

CHEESECAKE... YUMMMMM....

Yeah.. Look that the pic.. Those words tell it all... CHEESECAKE. Well, Amy came over and we baked cheesecake, have not try it yet, will need to fridge it till 2molo. Had so much fun, and it is not that hard to bake a cheesecake lor. Damn fun. Haha..

1st you need to settle the base.... from this...



to this....



Then of coz the cheesecake... Gotta mix them all'



Spread the joy....



And add some heat.. Yeah!!! OMG... Why is there a crack?!??!? Argh!!!!! -.-"



-=tHe EnD=-